Being me

Hey guys! First let me say a big THANK YOU to everyone who has stopped by to read my blog! I was surprised and amazed when my views went up from 10 to 40 overnight!! That's the power of facebook sharing. I'm sure there were some people who were genuinely interested in what I had to say, and others who read it just cos they love me (thanks!) and then a few who just went for a sticky beak... we all do it, so don't feel guilty :p

A year ago, or even 6 months ago, I would never have dreamed of sharing my thought so publicly. I may have written a blog, but I wouldn't have actually told anyone I was doing it! You see, I care a lot about what other people say and think of me. I'm terrified of someone telling me I'm wrong, or they don't agree with me. I hate confrontation and I avoid new situations because it just scares the crap out of me. I know that saying 'those who matter don't mind, those who mind don't matter' but it's easier said than done. All my life I have been very self conscious and shy. I know if you've known me for a long time you would disagree with that! But I generally don't put myself out there. So a big cheer for me is in order!!

I know that I have a lot to say, and that I'm really not stupid! Lazy, shy, cautious yes, but stupid, NO! Sure I'm no rocket scientist or heart surgeon and I doubt very much that I'll win a Nobel prize.... but I'm educated and sensible and logical. So why then, do I avoid putting my opinion forward? I don't bother researching facts, I don't like being told I'm wrong and I can't articulate my point properly without wanting to slap someone in the face because I *KNOW* they're wrong!! Somewhere along the line I lost all my confidence. I think around grade 10 it just packed up and left me. No warning, no explanation, not even a break up letter, just vanished! It's hard to finish high school, move towns, start uni, and get jobs when you don't believe in yourself. Really, really hard. To the point that you wonder if it's even worth trying. When everything feels like a very steep uphill battle. But somehow I pushed on. I think most times it was because I felt I owed it to my dad to not give up. He worked so hard, for a small wage, to keep our family going. What kind of daughter would I be if I just gave up? It's hard to explain, but he's my reason :)

This is a very well thought out post, it's mostly a bunch of half ideas slapped together... but that's what goes on in my head all the time! Great ideas flitting around like butterflies, all colourful and fancy free, but never quite within reach. There is just so much that I want and need to do, but I can't quite pin down a starting point. My to do list looks something like this:








There are actually a few more things between 2 & 3 these days, but I still feel a lot like I'm in survival mode. Le sigh. Anyhow, things ARE getting better and my life is getting more organised! It's just taken me a long time to really get my butt into gear and start trying to be a bit more proactive.
Sorry if this has been a bit boring and disconnected today... maybe next time I'll tell you a bit more about me in a more biographical way.

A condensed history (part 2!)

In my first post, I made it through the first 12 months of my life since my last blog was abandoned. That means we still have 3 years to cover to get to present day... so make yourself a coffee, grab some bikkies, and come along for the ride!

*Allows coffee making time*

Alrighty, September 2009. That's when I got married!! The 19th, 3yrs ago yesterday to be exact. On International Talk Like  Pirate Day :) Although the thought did cross my mind, we did not have a ceremony conducted in Pirate talk. It was your straight forward, stand in a church, listen to some Bible stuff, say "I Will" and sign the paperwork. Wait, what about "you may now kiss the bride"?!! Nope, our minister never said that bit! AWKWARD. Standing there at the end kinda like, ooookaaay, I guess that's it, we're.... married. We had the official bit at the Barcaldine Uniting Church, the same place I was Christened and my grandad's and dad's funerals were held. I'm not a huge religious person, but I had this idea that getting married in a church was 'the right thing to do'. My brother walked me down the aisle and it was all just a bit emotional, doing it without dad (he died when I was 17, that's another story). Later we had our photos at the Australian Worker's Heritage Centre (a local tourist attraction dedicated to ... Australian Workers!) and at a rose garden. There were some lovely shots, but also plenty that could have been better. However, my uncle did them as a gift so I really shouldn't complain. Then we had our reception at the golf club, where my family have been members since I was 10. I could go on a lot more about the wedding in detail, but I think that'll do us for a condensed history!

Moving on. 

At the end of 2009 I was offered a permanent, part-time position at Target working on the back dock unloading trucks, receiving deliveries & dealing with customer picks ups. It's hard work, but it's nice to see results at the end of the day. My self confidence has improved a lot through that position and I like being in such an important role in the store. There's plenty more tasks in the job, but again, condensed history. 

2010 - not overly exciting. We bought a brand new car - Toyota Corolla. We moved from our unit to a house. I bought my sister's 1998 Corolla and returned my 1992 Rodeo to mum's. My little Frankie graduated high school! I started babysitting her and her brother & sister when I was 16 and they were 6, 4 & 2. Frances is now 19, Em 17 & about to finish school, and Luke 15. 

Moving on to 2011. We decided to try to have a baby!! Well, we'd kind of decided the previous June when my pill prescription ran out, but I wasn't overly expectant of anything happening in the first few months. And luckily it didn't, cos it turns out the medications I was on were not good for pregnancy!! So I came completely off anti-depressants (I'd been on since 16, but decreasing the dose recently), came off cholesterol medication cos that was fairly under control from changed eating habits, and changed my blood pressure medication. That all happened around January, and every passing month I was disappointed. Then in May we adopted a cat from my friend who was moving to Brisbane & couldn't take him with her. Victor was very shy at first, but it didn't take him long to take over as lord emperor of the house!!  And what do you know, just 3 weeks after that little furry guy came into our lives, I was PREGNANT!! YAAAYY!! I was so incredibly excited. And nervous, scared, anxious, happy, thrilled, unsure...... the list of emotions is endless. I finished up work at Christmas with 9wks til my due date.

February 23rd, 20012 at 12:19am little Abigail Cate Warren shot her way into the world!! At 7lb 3oz (3.285kg) and 49.5cm she was just perfect. Pink, wrinkly, crying loudly, absolutely amazing and all mine!! She has changed my life immensely and I just could not imagine not having her here. 

Well, I think that about wraps up the last 4 years in my life. There's several things I can elaborate on, which means more blog posts!! So until next time, may all your cakes be chocolatey :)

Where to start...

Well, this is my THIRD attempt at keeping a blog... Each time I promise to update it regularly. Each time, I fail! This time, however, I think I'll have more success since I spend a lot more time at home without much adult interaction! So, there's much to say to whoever chooses to read :) I can't promise to be politically correct, or provide solid evidence to back up my opinions, so please don't crucify me if you don't agree!! I will do my best to use correct spelling and grammar - I can't stand bad grammar!! I don't care if it is the internet, that's no excuse. If you can't communicate effectively, step away from the keyboard.... Also, I have a tendency to ramble off course with whatever idea pops into my head. I'm blaming that on baby brain ;) 

I've decided to name my new blog The Spicks & The Specks of My Life for a few reasons. First, if I ever get around to recording a covers album, it would be of songs that have influenced my life and I'd call it "(the spicks & the specks) Of My Life". Second, this is going to be a blog of all sorts of things that happen in my life and make me Me. Third, one of my all time favourite tv shows, which is no longer running, and last, bloody great song!

Ok, so, since my last attempt at blogging quite a lot has happened. I've left my first teaching job, got engaged, taught in 2 more schools, moved house twice,  given up on teaching (for now), bought 2 cars, got married, became part time permanent at Target, and had a baby! I've also lost all my baby weight and a bit more!! When I list it all, it really is a lot of achievements :D

I'll start with the teaching thing since that what my lost blog started about. Cast your mind back to September 2008.... I'd just finished uni and started my first teaching job. Well, getting grade 7 at the end of the year is hardly easy for a new teacher. Add to the fact that I'm not overly confident and had pretty much NOTHING to work from, and you get one highly stressed, traumatised Cathee O.O Also the teacher I was sharing a room with, who was meant to be helping me, turned out to be a backstabbing selfish so and so. It wasn't a very nice place to work, and I was struggling severely, so was given the choice to resign or be put on some 'under performing teacher program'. Option 2 didn't sound very nice or complimentary to my career, so for my own sanity I chose to leave. I don't think of myself as someone who gives up but at 24 years old and calling my mum in tears several times a week it was the best decision for me. So maybe it wasn't 'giving up' but letting go...

After that debacle, I went back to Target casually (pretty much full time given it was nearly Christmas) for the rest of the year. I always felt appreciated and needed and valued there. Matthew and I got engaged in Nov 08 after he was going to move to Brisbane for a job. I told him I wasn't moving so he said he stay if we got married. Not a particularly romantic proposal, but honest and meaningful. I was worth staying for! The next month our landlord of 3yrs decided he was selling all his rental properties. We had 3 weeks to find a new place and move!! THREE WEEKS! Over Christmas & New Year. In wet season!!! Unsurprisingly, we didn't find a new place.... all our stuff went into storage and we ended up staying in a spare room under my friend's house for a month. Finally in Feb 2009 we moved into a small unit. It had many flaws so after only 18 months we moved to the house we're currently living in.

2009 I was offered a part time contract doing relief teaching 4 days a week. It was a really nice school with friendly, helpful staff members and I didn't have the stress of having to prepare lessons and write reports!! I found it a bit of a confidence boost because I was able to work on a few elements of the job rather than EVERYTHING at once! I knew that I only had to survive each class for 2 days at a time, and if it didn't go according to plan it wasn't the end of the world. Thankfully most of the classes were really great and accepted me as 'their teacher' whenever I was in their class :) 
Towards the end of term one I was offered a part time music teaching contract at a different school. It was initially for 3wks but had opportunity for extension. While I was really enjoying the job I was doing, the potential long term employment was alluring and won me over. I ended up with the music job from March to August and I got to really enjoy it and gained some confidence back. It was a really tough school, and music teachers are not high on the people to respect list of school kids... The reason I left was a new Principal having 'someone else in mind' for the job!! Given that I was only on a contract and not a permanent EQ staff member I had to cop it on the chin. Not to worry, good old Target took me back. Well, I'd still been there on weekends, so they just gave me more hours. I haven't done any teaching since then. At this stage I'm not in the frame of mind to go back, but one day I'd like to do something with kids and development. 

Anyway, this is getting rather long, and I should spend some time with Matthew now he's home from work. I'll continue my condensed version of the last 4 years tomorrow, hopefully!!